I am headed to Hartford, CT on Sunday and I have very mixed feelings about it. On one hand, it's such an honor to be asked to go and represent my team in and I am going to get tons of face time with some really important executive's that could very well help me further my career. I love my company and would really like to stay here and work my way up the ladder where I could really make a difference. I've never been to Connecticut either so that is a treat and in addition - there are some friends there that I wasn't sure I'd ever see again that now I am going to get to visit with.
Now.... all those pluses are counteracted by one thing. One HUGE thing!!! Leaving my family. Leaving my small children and husband alone to deal with it all... I actually told my oldest on the way to preschool today that I was going to have to go on an airplane for 3 days again and she immediately burst into tears. My heart broke. And I mean broke in half. 3 days is a long time to them.... And I am sure they are wondering why I have to go.
It's so hard balancing real life (meaning work) and REAL life (meaning home). I want the girls to know that they can have it all - the family, true love, work they can be proud of and self confidence that doesn't mean having to give one thing up to be the best at the other. But I also want them to know that it hurts terribly when I have to make decisions like this. But I ALSO want them to not be scared so I have to act like going for 3 days isn't a big deal. It is such a balancing act.
Either way, I have already committed to going and it really isn't something (from my bosses point of view) that I could ever turn down. So, I will get in my cab on Sunday with tears in my eyes, remorse in my heart and guilt on the sleeve and I will pretend to be on my top game in Hartford with confidence and poise. And counting down to Wednesday evening - when I can be home again.
2 years ago